Well, after a few years of believing I was suffering from mild depression I've finally realized that it's not depression... it's anxiety. (Honestly I have yet to see my therapist, but I'm pretty sure she's going to agree with my findings).
I'm a bio major in college right now, so I know a decent amount about brain chemicals and psycho-illnesses... I thought I had myself pinned down with depression because of my lack of motivation, my lonely feelings, my crying, my fatigue, my nervousness, and aches and pains. But one key symptom, which I've dubbed nervousness, is the key symptom that I think makes this anxiety.
This all came about because of an explosion I had a few days ago. I recently started an apprenticeship and am getting school credit for it, so I'm working and living at home instead of going to classes, hanging with my friends, and staying at college. It's been a terrible adjustment. I'm not used to the way that projects and things are done with the people that I'm working with, so a lot of the time I'm doing things that I think are right... but are actually heading down this "wrong" path.
Now, this internship isn't the only thing that lead me to believe it's anxiety... it's the nervousness and fear of going out on a limb, hanging out with large groups of people, and doing things differently than I normally do. Honestly, I'm writing this down and thinking "How can I be so damn sensitive and scared?! What is wrong with me?!". I've always been afraid of making mistakes, always always always. It's been a hard road because of that fear, but somehow I'm fearing mistakes less and less. It's just a matter of how you look at things, and reminding yourself to look at the good things that come out of mistakes.
Overall, this is going to be a long road to fixing this... and figuring out why this is happening. (It adds more anxiety knowing that I'm going through this, because I'm one of those people who doesn't have enough self confidence, and tries to mimic others in their actions to be normal and happy about themselves, which in turn makes me compare myself to others. dumb. very dumb.)
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