It's been a while since I've written on here... everything's been busy! I just got back from the River Rally conference in South Carolina, which was amazing! It is also the cause of this lovely rant... here's a quick caveat... mushyness about my new relationship is in this rant... but it gets to a good point about honesty.
I'll give some background first... because this won't make sense without it...
I was single since November 2010, I ended a 2 year relationship because of honesty issues and the need for space and for me to grow more independent. I've grown a lot since then, both because of being single and for starting an intense, 10 month long, full time internship with SCA/Americorps. I will repeat this again... I've grown so much since then.
In April I met a handsome young man who is a hometown friend of my friends from school. Somehow... I hit it off with him. One of my previous blogs alludes to this spark. Anyways... things have been going beautifully.
Last night I was an emotional wreck and needed him more than I have before... I was overtired, hormonal, lonely, and anxious. Annnnddd, instead of saying this to him and saying "I need to talk to you before you go out tonight"... I told him I'm not feeling well. I cried the whole night as he didn't catch onto my hints. (I know this makes this relationship seem terrible... it's not... just wait for the end of the rant)
So I got into bed last night... meditated for a bit (WHICH HELPED SO MUCH) and awaited his call. I started crying the moment he said he was en route to another friends house. I apologized for being so emotional. He asked what was wrong. I finally broke down and said "I just wanted to talk to you... I missed you so much over this weekend... and yet you just went out with your friends... which I like that you do... but I should have said I needed you." He apologized... and then said something that I was almost waiting to hear. "Baby, I love you, and I'm immensely sorry... I was confused, I thought you would want time, and your texts hinted at something I didn't understand... but next time (here's the kicker... the real thing) just tell me what you need. I'm terrible at figuring out what people are hinting at."
At that point, I had tears streaming down my cheeks, and a smile on my face. Somehow, everything was ok. I realized at that moment, that instead of sending my "i'm sorry i'm being needy" texts... I should have just said "I'm upset... We need to talk". I feel like this is a very obvious insight... but when you are blinded by trying to be perfect and not wanting to push too much or lose the person you're pursuing, simple things like this are so much more complicated.
My point is, being honest and saying what you really feel, can work. Sometimes in certain circumstances it's not right to say the first thing that comes to your mind... but in times where you're in a terrible mood, and you're angry at your partner for not reading your mind... honesty really works.
In the end... communication is key.
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